Connect · Understanding Domestic Abuse

Understanding Domestic Abuse


I wrote the 3rd edition of Violent No More: Helping Men End Domestic Abuse for men who want to stop hurting the ones they love. It holds out a hand to men who have been and are violent in relationships with women, helps them understand what is behind their domestic abuse, and offers guidance on how to change. It is a practical guide, based on years of working with men who have been violent, and written with the knowledge that most men who have battered are willing and ready to change—once they know how.

In the years since Violent No More: Helping Men End Domestic Abuse was first published, I have appreciated the communication from men who have been helped by this book. Last month, I was the keynote speaker at an international conference on intimate partner violence in Michigan. Timothy, a man who was in attendance, came up to me and said that he would have lost his marriage or ended up in jail had he not read this book. It was humbling and rewarding.

Many mental health counselors use Violent No More: Helping Men End Domestic Abuse in their counseling programs and as a resource for men and women seeking help to end intimate partner violence. Many batterer intervention programs (BIPs) and domestic abuse programs provide Violent No More: Helping Men End Domestic Abuse and the Violent No More Workbook for their clients.

My intent was to write a book that would speak directly to men. I didn’t anticipate that Violent No More: Helping Men End Domestic Abuse would also be helpful to women who have been abused by their intimate partners. Many battered women have contacted me to discuss their own situations. Some wondered whether their partners would, or could, change. Others realized that the stories of men and women in this book were very similar to their own life experiences and found solace in the fact that change can happen. Still others had their gut feelings confirmed—for now, they needed to leave the relationship.

Please feel free to contact me about the book, workbook, or lectures by Michael Paymar at or visit our web site to see what Education for Critical Thinking is doing to address to gender violence.